Swallow Your Pride… And a Little Chocolate

My hubby and I don’t particularly want children.  I love my little nieces to death but after a few hours I feel like that boney dude with a scythe is knocking at my door… so the idea of having my own… a “minimum” commitment of 20 years… doesn’t really sound appealing. In fact, this decision has been the topic of many a discussion.  I’ve been told everything from “I love my daughter, but I could take it or leave it” to the typical “There’s no other feeling like it. You won’t know until you have them!”… or even “When you finally change your mind, you’ll end up with 8!”.   My personal favourite is “those amazing moments (like when they smile) makes up for the other 23 hours and 59 minutes of hell that day”.

Earlier in the year, I had flown the grizzly beast to Melbourne for his birthday. We were strolling into the city (about 70 minutes walk from where we were staying) when he started to feel a little ill.  Never being one to miss an opportunity to eat, I gladly ordered breakfast for one – a really delicious poached egg with avo mash on sour dough.  For something so basic, it was exceptional.  I digress.

Steve started to get worse and as we stood to leave I realised his face was the whiteness of my left butt cheek… Not a good sign. He quickly indicated this may be more than a mild belly ache and I threw him into a cab conveniently parked next to us.  2 hours later following a doctors visit, a crack head taking his pants off in the street and a second somewhat scary cab ride, we were in Footscray Emergency. Steve was in the foetal position, shaking, moaning, sweating… I seem to recall him putting the pain scale at an 11/10  when queried by a nurse.  Not a small statement – I can assure you he isn’t a “man flu” type of guy.

A few minutes later the doctor came in and offered Steve some rather hefty pain medication… “Oral medication would take effect in half an hour” she explained, creating obvious distress for the patient.  “I recommend you use *Insert drug name here* as well though, as it takes effect in under 10 minutes.  It is taken rectally…”.  Now this resulted in at least a smirk from me but not Steve. He had a look of horror which the doctor also recognised.  No one said anything for a moment as this news sank in… the doctor, presumably trying to ease the situation offered for Steve to do it himself when he said “No, you can do it. Good luck finding it though. I think its gone back inside me due to the pain”… We all paused… again.  Now virtually in hysterics I help Steve out “It goes in your butt Steve not up your penis!” The relief on his face I am sure was greater than when the drug relieved the pain….

Now, I would suggest that very few people achieve true happiness in a lifetime. Buddha seemed to get it – you know – enlightenment and all that –  but in a materialistic world where we’re raised to always need more – you’re always left wanting.  That day, I achieved true happiness. If the rectal penis wasn’t enough, before the doctor left she said “You know, some people say kidney stones are worse than child birth”.  Better you than me baby!

A few months on and 2 surgeries later, the hubby is back to normal but has in his possession a life changing piece of paper.  A piece of paper that says in no uncertain terms that he SHOULD NOT EAT CHOCOLATE (among other things) as it can cause a repeat episode of stones.  When Steve proposed to me I gladly accepted but we agreed to have 1 condition each.  Mine was that I would never be told to pick up clothes off the floor – His was that he could have a breakfast of champions (yes, chocolate) whenever he liked, day or night.  Much like me, Steve is annoyed by people who don’t take responsibility for their decisions. Don’t complain about your weight then eat a pie… or complain about your emphysema and pick up a cigarette… He was in quite the pickle but committed to not ‘being like those people’ he decided to abstain from eating chocolate on all days except Saturday.  Being the good wife I am, when Saturday rolls round, I ensure he is never left wanting and is able to receive the feeling of true happiness.

For your reading pleasure, here are just some of the goodies he’s received. Thousands of calories were harmed in the eating of these recipes:

Chocolate Crepes with Chocolate Sauce

Admittedly, I can’t find the recipe I used for this.  It was quite simple though – grab any crepe recipe. Add cocoa. Make sure it has some sugar to work with the cocoa.  Then of course – serve with chocolate sauce.  You do have to be a chocolatier to eat this without some sort of taste bud settling addition like cream or a cup of tea!!

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The Chocolate Bog

This is a fudge brownie recipe by Chocolate Covered Katie – my favourite dessert blog.  It always tastes great, is often healthy and she has many recipes which can be tailored for 1 (or 2)!  We have dessert every night but when I haven’t planned something, my first place to go is always Katie!

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Single Serve Chocolate Cake with Chocolate Sauce

Nooo idea what this was!!  I’d say make your favourite chocolate cake and add chocolate sauce!

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Chocolate Marshmallow Melts


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Buttermilk Pancakes with Caramelised Pears and Chocolate Sauce

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Each week on Foxtel is a program Paddock to Plate hosted by chef Matt  Moran.  He has been touring some of Australia’s best farming regions and taking fresh ingredients to cook on the show.  I have thoroughly enjoyed it… more so the learning about where the food comes from than the cooking. For example, did you know that those famous Granny Smith apples are picked before they ripen and therefore do not sweeten as they would on the tree – a tree ripened Granny Smith apparently tastes nothing like a Woolies apple!

Matt visited a dairy farm famous for its salty organic butter… He decided to use the buttermilk to make pancakes and they looked delicious!!  Inspired (and conveniently already having the fridge stocked with buttermilk) I decided I would take this on.  I checked his recipe and it was too fatty and well, too much effort – so I used Jaime Oliver’s Breakfast Pancakes instead.  Yeah yeah, it doesn’t use buttermilk but I did.  I also popped a little butter and sugar in a pan to caramalise some peaches for decoration and of course added chocolate sauce. I wouldn’t put it on the healthy list for that reason, but they were for Steve after all.  Pancakes are ok on the healthy scale when on their own!

Icey Chocolate Ice Cream

I’ve never pondered about the additives in ice cream until I read this recipe.  I like ice cream but don’t really give the production process much thought.  I made this without the ice cream maker and it was delicious. I had low fat milk etc though so it wasn’t very creamy but it was a hot day and we were fine with that!  It does take time (for freezing) but the effort is low and the ingredients are already in most people’s kitchens.  Thank you Easy Peasy Organic for this Chocolate Sherbet recipe!

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